Are They Twins? Nope, One Just Has Benjamin Button Disease!!

As the girls first birthday is fast approaching, I reflect upon all of the awkward and comical things that people have told us this past year. For those who do not know, when you have twins you become an instant celebrity in which you are constantly dodging the paparazzi consisting of anyone who has ever met a twin, slept on a twin bed, cheered for the Minnesota Twins, or has traveled through Twin Falls Idaho. When it is just me and the girls out in public the hysteria confirms just how peculiar we really are as a people. So in commemoration of the girls first birthday I would just like to share some of the fun encounters I have had with people.

• The first time we took the girls grocery shopping an older lady was eyeing us like Gollum in search of her "precious". As I was casually picking out our apples and bananas she approaches us and asks, "Are those twins"? My smart aleck tongue wanted to say, "No they are triples but we just left the other one in the car" but rather I complied and said, "Yes they are twin girls." She proceeded to tell us that she had twin girls and how wonderful twins are for the next 5 or so minutes. As we went on our way through the produce she continued to follow us like we were her adopted grand-kids. Just when I thought the awkwardness couldn't get any worse she looked at us and said, "Twins are so great... Mine both died!" and then walked away. For the first time in my life I was actually speechless. Like Lloyd Christmas talking about Big Gulps speechless! Note to self, that is probably not the best thing to say to brand new parents but set the bar really high for comments to come.

• One day I was walking the girls through the neighborhood where we live as Kylie slept after working an all night shift at the hospital. I was crossing one of the side streets when a women in her SUV approached a stop sign at the crosswalk. Not recognizing her at all, she flagged me down and had me approach the car. It wasn't a large van with no windows driven by the Wet Bandits Sticky Bandits so I approached the car. The woman inside rolled down her window and in almost tears said, "This shows there is hope for humanity, it brings me joy seeing a dad out walking twin babies. Thank you for making my day." I wondered how much my wife had paid her to say that but told her, "All in a days work, plus they were buy 1 get 1 free so I got a good deal." I found it kind of comical that she would stop me to say something like that but if there is a Hallmark/Lifetime/Disney channel in the future about a man saving humanity by walking his babies I want royalties!!

• This summer we thought we would take advantage of the "babies in laps fly free" deal that the airlines put on. So we took the girls to Hawaii to work on their tans and learn to surf. When we were getting off of the plane in Hawaii with our limousine stroller in tow we audibly overhead someone gasp and say, "The only thing worse would be 3!!" I took it as a compliment and assumed they were talking about the number of failed relationships they must have had. Regardless we had a great time with the little girls in Hawaii and with the new child deduction in the tax law I bet they wish they had 3! 

• During another adventure at the grocery store I was approached by an older man who was jollier than good old Saint Nick on Christmas morn. He gave me an eyebrow raise and said, "Those twins?" and I responded, "Sorta, they are sisters who share the same birthday... so I guess that makes them twins." He proceeded to tell me that he is a twin and that all of the twins he knows have names that are similar. He was Bob and his brother Rob. He went to school with a Larry and Barry, and a Sara and Tara. He then asked what our girls names were and I responded, "Hallee and Piper." He looked bewildered and said, "Well those don't rhyme!" Well the only name I could come up with to rhyme with Piper was Diaper and Kylie wasn't going to let me do that so once again I let down a member of the twin paparazzi.

• Another time I was in public with just me and the girls and Hallee was throwing a fit, which I think is a distress call to all grandmas to come to the rescue. I was approached by 2 older women at different times who tried to console Hallee. As I spoke to both of the women they told me that I was a brave daddy venturing out into the world without mommy. Then ironically both said, "I hope mommy is sleeping at home and getting a break because twins would be so tough." I told them that I was mommy for the day and would be happy to go home and take a nap if they would watch them.

Moral of the story is that if you want to feel like a celebrity in a low budget regional film just have twins and the fan base will follow. In general everyone has been wonderful but if you are a dad with 2 baby girls people see you as a unicorn when in reality I am just a horse wearing a party hat!! 

This past year has been amazing and nothing brings greater joy than being a parent and seeing your kids grow. Now go forth and approach every twin parent you see and tell them that you know someone who has twins, just know you may become a story for them to tell their friends!!😉

-Josh Soffe

Misheard Lyrics Are Sometimes Better Than The Original

During high school, we all go through weird fads/interests that mold us or cause us to shamefully regret ourselves years down the road. Whether cut off jeans were your thing... or maybe big bangs and ratted hair... or maybe wearing Jyncos... or possibly even Mullets and Mustaches. Well in full disclosure, I was somewhat follicly challenged so the Mullet and Mustache was a no go and I didn't have the thighs for cut off jeans. This left me with the only logical fad which was a weird interest in musicals, that is correct I thrived on "Getting my Head in the Game"(High School Musical) and introducing myself as one of the "Nicest Kids in Town"(Hairspray) . (I just noticed that both of those shows oddly star Zac Efron which has no relation or influence on my interest in musicals).

Maybe if I had watched more Grease and Newsies I could have learned some charm from the T-Birds or a young Christian Bale and actually gone on dates in high school. Who doesn't remember the smoothness of Kenickie... "A Hickie from Kenickie is like a Hallmark card!" or the courage of Jack Kelly as he "Opened the Gates and Seized the Day". The underlying reason I enjoyed musicals was because regardless of the situation anyone could break out into a random song that didn't always make sense but as Will Ferrell famously said "It Gets the People Going"!! Musicals make you just want to get up and dance and occasionally even bust out into song.

This interest in musicals has come and gone just like your old cut offs and Hammer pants but what remains with me is the desire to bust out into random singing. To this day I make up lyrics to popular songs and just sing them at the least opportune times and my poor wife has to suffer through it. My motto is life is a musical so why don't we just start singing every chance we get and "Get the People Going". Ever since I have become a parent I have made up multiple songs and sang them at our kids which has often lead to crying and tears (Mostly from my wife). Due to the fact that these songs are better shown than simply typed I have created GIFs to accompany a few of the songs I have sang recently. With every post that I do... I apologize in advance but hope you enjoy a little glimpse into the sad life my wife and kids are experiencing!


Michael Jackson: Bad

"I'm Dad... I'm Dad... I'm really really Dad, You know I'm Dad... I'm Dad... I'm really really Dad, and the whole family has to answer right now just to tell you once again... whose Dad?"

NSync: Bye Bye Bye

"I wanna see you on the floor. Baby, Cry... Cry... Cry..."

DJ Khaled: All I Do Is Win

"All I do is Twin, Twin, Twin no matter what! Got Mommy on my mind I can never give her up!!"

Eiffel 65: Blue (Da Ba Dee)

"Lines Blue Da Ba Dee Da Ba Dee which means full of the Pee, Da Ba Dee Da Ba Doo don't forget about the Poo!"

Silento: Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae) 

"Now watch me Wipe, Wipe...

...Now watch me Spray, Spray!!"

21 Pilots: Heathens

"All my kids are Teethin make it stop... Please don't change any sudden moods, I only see half of the tooth!"

Feel free to share my ridiculousness with anyone you wish, I hope you enjoyed it and next time you are doing monotonous things around the house I encourage you to bust into song. It will improve even the worst days, if not for you for everyone watching you!!

-Joshua Soffe

Hammer, Needle, and Hook

In the world of little league athletics there are annual competitions that separate the individual from their team, helping to determine who is the "Goat"🐐 (Greatest of all time) of the sandlot and gridiron. They all have catchy names that define the very skills they measure... "Punt, Pass, and Kick", "Drive, Chip, and Putt", "Pitch, Hit, and Run", and "Dribble, Dish, and Swish". These competitions are meant to measure the all around athleticism rather than focus on one skill. I bring this up because as a child I was so skilled I never was invited to any of these competitions but if I was I am sure I would have been good at making everyone else look even better. I have always been a better athletic supporter (not that kind of athletic supporter!!) than a star athlete. This is not the case with my in laws, they have delivered 3 college athletes and at least 6 high school state championships. To put it into perspective I am like Cooper Manning! Who is Cooper Manning you may ask? He is the oft forgotten brother of Super Bowl MVP's Eli and Peyton Manning. This means that no matter the sport or game we play "the odds are not ever in my favor"(Yes... Even if we played Hunger Games). Lets just say when we pull out the Spikeball, Pickleball, or even if we ever played Checkers it would be a remake of this classic commercial...

Knowing that I would always lose a "Punt, Pass, and Kick" or a "Pitch, Hit, and Run" against my wife and her brothers I recently created to my own competition that I have so appropriately called the "Hammer, Needle, and Hook".  Move over athletic competition, there is a new sheriff in town and his name is Crafting! Which is only fitting that a Stay at Home dad becomes a Master Crafter (Not the Boat). I am new to the Master Crafter role but am willing to show some of my budding "Hammer, Needle, and Hook" experiments.

Hammer: Armour I made to store all of our twin girls clothes with wainscoted doors.

Needle: A car seat foot cover made out of a wet suit, to keep those babies covered!

Hook: Hats crocheted for the Nephews and Nieces.

So the moral of the story/point of this post is feel free to go out of your comfort zone and bend the "norm". Also my advice, if you can't win in any type of athletic competition... pick up obscure hobbies because believe me I bet I am much better at sewing and crocheting than Michael Jordan!!

So remember... "Some will Sew and some will Reep!", if you aren't good at reeping, you can always try sewing! (Just don't let any of your friends find out!😅)

-Joshua Soffe

"Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid"??

In the 1980's a duo swept the nation with such force, paving the way for great musicians such as: LFO, 98 Degrees, Aqua, and my personal favorite Hanson with the ever popular "MMMbop"! This duo was none other than Hall and Oats, no not the ingredients in Cheerios, but Daryl Hall and John Oats. The two originally met in an elevator but later went on to make the never famous, semi-hit song... "Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid". The lyrics state, "Some things are better left unsaid...Some words are better left unspoken". From my personal experience if I were to live by this motto I wouldn't have near as many funny stories nor dirty looks.

I will now share with you some of the conversations I had with the medical staff and my wife during the miracle we call childbirth but first I must provide some context to my story... 

Working in the Organ and Tissue donation industry, I had often heard and seen some interesting things. One of the strangest and most memorable was a request by an individual as they were taken off of life support prior to becoming an organ donor. This individual said, "As soon as you pull the plug and I pass away I want you to turn on the stereo and blare the AC/DC anthem "Highway to Hell"". The medical staff did as he had directed and it was an interesting experience to say the least. We all felt guilty and that it was only appropriate to follow it up with Led Zeppelin and "Stairway to Heaven"! (If we only had a few more songs we could have started our own classic rock station)

Knowing that the medical staff would follow these requests, I waited in anticipation for the right time to request a song to be played during the delivery of our twins. As the nurse periodically checked on my wife throughout the day, I slowly built up courage and the opportune time came as she asked, "Is there anything I can do or get for you?". In response I said, "Yes there is... I am actually wondering if while my wife is in the OR in labor can we have Justin Bieber "Baby" playing in the background and make sure the chorus is playing as the children come out?" (That way we would all be able to identify the creatures that would be born as Babies and there would be no confusion. If you have experienced the birthing process you know what I am talking about.) The nurse simply laughed and walked out of the room leaving me to wait until we went to the OR to see if, as a boy finding a genie's lamp, my wish would be granted.

Once we were in the OR and no JB was being played I figured it meant it was free game to unleash my inner JB. I do not know if it was the anxiety or the anticipation, but before I got on stage for my solo of "Baby", the lyrics of Hall and Oats "Better Left Unsaid" were disregarded and... said loud and clear for all to hear. While my wife should have been aided by her husband during this time of deep breaths and exhaustive pushes, she was instead greeted with a meaningful "Anaconda Squeeze" from Nacho Libre. That is correct while my wife was giving birth my contribution was a reference to the signature wresting move of one Nacho! I would like to say she laughed but it was overpowered by the awkward gazes from everyone in the room. Nevertheless the children came and I contribute at least 20% of it to the Anaconda Squeeze!

If the ill timed Nacho Libre reference was not charming enough I also made a comment to myself which caused the OB/GYN to ask me if everything was alright. That comment was not pointed at any one event or meant in a negative way but I did, just as Sara with no H (Jimmy Fallon), muttered... Ew! It was a culmination of the beauty of seeing your children born and the miracle of your wife giving birth that leaves you speechless. It was such an incredible and wonderful experience that my overwhelmed and exhausted self uttered "Ew".(Once again, if you have experienced it you may relate)

Lest you forget, my time to shine had arrived, right before the twin girls were to take their first breaths I let my atrocious voice free. I told the OB/GYN that this reminded me of a song and I proceeded to sing "Baby, Baby, Baby Oh!" This caused the medical staff, that should have been focusing on my wife, to break into laughter. I sang the chorus once again as Baby A and Baby B were born but abruptly stopped myself after the second "Baby, Baby" in fear that if I continued with the chorus and sang the third "Baby" we would find out our babies were not only twins but triplets. (I am not a math wizard but that would mean my wife and I were outnumbered and we would have to get a mini van.... and we can all agree that mini vans are Ew!)

Through all of my ill timed comments and poor vocal performance I had in an instant gone from Soffe Party of 2 to Soffe Party of 4. I have completed 2 Masters Degrees and my wife is nearing the completion of her Doctorate Degree and I do not think another 10 years of education could have prepared us for the incredible adventure that we are on. I now truly believe that the greatest job in life is being a parent and I haven't even made it past the 90 day eval period yet where full benefits kick in and I can begin to take sick days (Terrible new job pun) but I look forward to documenting the wild ride with my new job title as "Stay at Home Dad". So jump on the bandwagon and hold on tight because it is going to be a wild ride! (Oh and I still don't think Hall and Oats knew what they were talking about but then again it was the 70's so naturally they are forgiven.)

-Josh Soffe

Voice of the Silent Warrior

I promise this will be one if not the only post I make that is not extremely lighthearted or sarcastic but due to recent circumstances I feel I need to share my thoughts...

With all of the commotion and voices, shouting hysteria, I want to speak of one group who in all humility approaches the battle as "Silent Warriors". This group is as the beggar, longing for want of food, as others around them who have plenty are mockingly casting it to the ground as waste. (Think back to the Hunger Games scene in which Katniss is out in the storm and Peeta comes outside with bread looking at her in her state of hunger and is told to throws it to the pigs.) I speak with moral authority on this topic because for a time I was one of these very beggars.... fighting our battle in silence.

The battle that I am referencing is the God given power of pro-creation. All people everywhere long to create, whether it be with wood and nails or with code and digits. Plain and simple we get satisfaction and confidence from improvement and accomplishments. On the flip side, we lose hope and confidence from being blasphemed or put down for our weaknesses.

Now back to my point I am trying to make...We knew that by our own efforts we would not be able to have children and so I have always viewed the act of aborting a pregnancy as a travesty. A solemn mockery to all people struggling with infertility, the one thing in life that we long so bad to have others were disgracing and disposing of. This disgrace has created riots and outrage by these "Silent Warriors"... oh wait it actually has not... but rather temperance. They have taken a different and may I add more admirable approach to fighting against this injustice. They have turned away from the popularity of society and "fighting the man" to seeking comfort from family and counsel from above. You see they have fought with their faith and not with their mouths. These "Silent Warriors" are those who are desperately trying every facet of medical innovation to have just one baby. These "Silent Warriors" are also those who are forking out thousands of dollars to adopt the children who are lucky enough to be born but in need of loving parents. The "Silent Warrior" is one whose voice matters but will remain silent and faithful as societal attention is given to frivolity and distractions.

For years I was a proud member of these "Silent Warriors" who would watch as people fought to abort the one thing that my wife and I truly desired. I often thought, "How could someone be prideful enough to destroy something they created when so many others would be ecstatic to have that opportunity?". Now being a father who has experienced the joy of holding the precious creations that my wife and I impatiently made; the perplexity of that question is multiplied a hundredfold. I have been truly blessed that we have overcome our infertility struggles and through IVF we have welcomed 2 little girls into the world. There are thousands of "Silent Warriors" out there who are fighting the real battles of life and desire no fanfare. So as you see the arguing in the streets and on TV I want you to think for yourself... Which side am I on and how should I respond to battles of life because aren't we all beggars? No matter the circumstance, choose to be a "Silent Warrior" and leave the headlines and tabloids to the distractors. The true choice is in how you act and the perspective you take, not in the way you are being acted upon. So the next time you are Peeta and you are in a world of segregation fighting "The Capital", choose to act and feed Katniss rather than be acted upon and "cast your pearls (bread) at swines"!

-Josh Soffe

*In circumstances such as rape, incest, and mother's health risk I understand the need for abortion.

Father + Mommy = Fommy

When I was just a kid growing up in the prime of the 90's we used to pretend we were Power Rangers defeating Rita Repulsa and her band of "putties" or Ninja Turtles taking on Shredder and his buddies Bebop and Rocksteady. Little did I know that I would never fulfill my dream of being an adult, playing a high school sophomore, who wears spandex and fights evil hooligans all while keeping it a secret. No one told me that if I followed this dream I would end up in the loony bin or as a viral parody on YouTube.

Luckily I grew up with sisters who had a different taste in entertainment, one that involved a now washed out host of America's Funniest Home Videos(Bob Saget) as well as the man from the Greek Yogurt(John Stamos) commercials. That is correct... Whatever happened to predictability? The Milk Man? Paper Boy? Don't get me started on MTV? It was no dull house whenever Danny Tanner came on Full House. Rather than "fight crime" my sisters would pretend they were part of Full House (Besides Kimmy of course) fighting through the challenges of life instead of  make believe hooligans.

Fast Forward 20 years and I realize that I am now living every 10 year old girls dream... I am Jesse Katsopolis (minus the fabulous hair, leather, love of Elvis, and charm). As my wife goes through her OB/GYN residency (Not as Host of Wake Up San Francisco),

I am a full fledged stay at home dad with twin girls instead of twin boys. In my new role as a "Father/Mommy" I plan to keep it very light, exciting, and opposite of the norm. So feel free to follow this journey because it will be hotter than Danny Tanner in his 1991 rendition of "So You Think You Can Dance". I am slowly working on my charm and leather wardrobe but now I just need to let it go and.... "Have Mercy!!"