Hammer, Needle, and Hook

In the world of little league athletics there are annual competitions that separate the individual from their team, helping to determine who is the "Goat"🐐 (Greatest of all time) of the sandlot and gridiron. They all have catchy names that define the very skills they measure... "Punt, Pass, and Kick", "Drive, Chip, and Putt", "Pitch, Hit, and Run", and "Dribble, Dish, and Swish". These competitions are meant to measure the all around athleticism rather than focus on one skill. I bring this up because as a child I was so skilled I never was invited to any of these competitions but if I was I am sure I would have been good at making everyone else look even better. I have always been a better athletic supporter (not that kind of athletic supporter!!) than a star athlete. This is not the case with my in laws, they have delivered 3 college athletes and at least 6 high school state championships. To put it into perspective I am like Cooper Manning! Who is Cooper Manning you may ask? He is the oft forgotten brother of Super Bowl MVP's Eli and Peyton Manning. This means that no matter the sport or game we play "the odds are not ever in my favor"(Yes... Even if we played Hunger Games). Lets just say when we pull out the Spikeball, Pickleball, or even if we ever played Checkers it would be a remake of this classic commercial...

Knowing that I would always lose a "Punt, Pass, and Kick" or a "Pitch, Hit, and Run" against my wife and her brothers I recently created to my own competition that I have so appropriately called the "Hammer, Needle, and Hook".  Move over athletic competition, there is a new sheriff in town and his name is Crafting! Which is only fitting that a Stay at Home dad becomes a Master Crafter (Not the Boat). I am new to the Master Crafter role but am willing to show some of my budding "Hammer, Needle, and Hook" experiments.

Hammer: Armour I made to store all of our twin girls clothes with wainscoted doors.

Needle: A car seat foot cover made out of a wet suit, to keep those babies covered!

Hook: Hats crocheted for the Nephews and Nieces.

So the moral of the story/point of this post is feel free to go out of your comfort zone and bend the "norm". Also my advice, if you can't win in any type of athletic competition... pick up obscure hobbies because believe me I bet I am much better at sewing and crocheting than Michael Jordan!!

So remember... "Some will Sew and some will Reep!", if you aren't good at reeping, you can always try sewing! (Just don't let any of your friends find out!😅)

-Joshua Soffe

"Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid"??

In the 1980's a duo swept the nation with such force, paving the way for great musicians such as: LFO, 98 Degrees, Aqua, and my personal favorite Hanson with the ever popular "MMMbop"! This duo was none other than Hall and Oats, no not the ingredients in Cheerios, but Daryl Hall and John Oats. The two originally met in an elevator but later went on to make the never famous, semi-hit song... "Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid". The lyrics state, "Some things are better left unsaid...Some words are better left unspoken". From my personal experience if I were to live by this motto I wouldn't have near as many funny stories nor dirty looks.

I will now share with you some of the conversations I had with the medical staff and my wife during the miracle we call childbirth but first I must provide some context to my story... 

Working in the Organ and Tissue donation industry, I had often heard and seen some interesting things. One of the strangest and most memorable was a request by an individual as they were taken off of life support prior to becoming an organ donor. This individual said, "As soon as you pull the plug and I pass away I want you to turn on the stereo and blare the AC/DC anthem "Highway to Hell"". The medical staff did as he had directed and it was an interesting experience to say the least. We all felt guilty and that it was only appropriate to follow it up with Led Zeppelin and "Stairway to Heaven"! (If we only had a few more songs we could have started our own classic rock station)

Knowing that the medical staff would follow these requests, I waited in anticipation for the right time to request a song to be played during the delivery of our twins. As the nurse periodically checked on my wife throughout the day, I slowly built up courage and the opportune time came as she asked, "Is there anything I can do or get for you?". In response I said, "Yes there is... I am actually wondering if while my wife is in the OR in labor can we have Justin Bieber "Baby" playing in the background and make sure the chorus is playing as the children come out?" (That way we would all be able to identify the creatures that would be born as Babies and there would be no confusion. If you have experienced the birthing process you know what I am talking about.) The nurse simply laughed and walked out of the room leaving me to wait until we went to the OR to see if, as a boy finding a genie's lamp, my wish would be granted.

Once we were in the OR and no JB was being played I figured it meant it was free game to unleash my inner JB. I do not know if it was the anxiety or the anticipation, but before I got on stage for my solo of "Baby", the lyrics of Hall and Oats "Better Left Unsaid" were disregarded and... said loud and clear for all to hear. While my wife should have been aided by her husband during this time of deep breaths and exhaustive pushes, she was instead greeted with a meaningful "Anaconda Squeeze" from Nacho Libre. That is correct while my wife was giving birth my contribution was a reference to the signature wresting move of one Nacho! I would like to say she laughed but it was overpowered by the awkward gazes from everyone in the room. Nevertheless the children came and I contribute at least 20% of it to the Anaconda Squeeze!

If the ill timed Nacho Libre reference was not charming enough I also made a comment to myself which caused the OB/GYN to ask me if everything was alright. That comment was not pointed at any one event or meant in a negative way but I did, just as Sara with no H (Jimmy Fallon), muttered... Ew! It was a culmination of the beauty of seeing your children born and the miracle of your wife giving birth that leaves you speechless. It was such an incredible and wonderful experience that my overwhelmed and exhausted self uttered "Ew".(Once again, if you have experienced it you may relate)

Lest you forget, my time to shine had arrived, right before the twin girls were to take their first breaths I let my atrocious voice free. I told the OB/GYN that this reminded me of a song and I proceeded to sing "Baby, Baby, Baby Oh!" This caused the medical staff, that should have been focusing on my wife, to break into laughter. I sang the chorus once again as Baby A and Baby B were born but abruptly stopped myself after the second "Baby, Baby" in fear that if I continued with the chorus and sang the third "Baby" we would find out our babies were not only twins but triplets. (I am not a math wizard but that would mean my wife and I were outnumbered and we would have to get a mini van.... and we can all agree that mini vans are Ew!)

Through all of my ill timed comments and poor vocal performance I had in an instant gone from Soffe Party of 2 to Soffe Party of 4. I have completed 2 Masters Degrees and my wife is nearing the completion of her Doctorate Degree and I do not think another 10 years of education could have prepared us for the incredible adventure that we are on. I now truly believe that the greatest job in life is being a parent and I haven't even made it past the 90 day eval period yet where full benefits kick in and I can begin to take sick days (Terrible new job pun) but I look forward to documenting the wild ride with my new job title as "Stay at Home Dad". So jump on the bandwagon and hold on tight because it is going to be a wild ride! (Oh and I still don't think Hall and Oats knew what they were talking about but then again it was the 70's so naturally they are forgiven.)

-Josh Soffe

Father + Mommy = Fommy

When I was just a kid growing up in the prime of the 90's we used to pretend we were Power Rangers defeating Rita Repulsa and her band of "putties" or Ninja Turtles taking on Shredder and his buddies Bebop and Rocksteady. Little did I know that I would never fulfill my dream of being an adult, playing a high school sophomore, who wears spandex and fights evil hooligans all while keeping it a secret. No one told me that if I followed this dream I would end up in the loony bin or as a viral parody on YouTube.

Luckily I grew up with sisters who had a different taste in entertainment, one that involved a now washed out host of America's Funniest Home Videos(Bob Saget) as well as the man from the Greek Yogurt(John Stamos) commercials. That is correct... Whatever happened to predictability? The Milk Man? Paper Boy? Don't get me started on MTV? It was no dull house whenever Danny Tanner came on Full House. Rather than "fight crime" my sisters would pretend they were part of Full House (Besides Kimmy of course) fighting through the challenges of life instead of  make believe hooligans.

Fast Forward 20 years and I realize that I am now living every 10 year old girls dream... I am Jesse Katsopolis (minus the fabulous hair, leather, love of Elvis, and charm). As my wife goes through her OB/GYN residency (Not as Host of Wake Up San Francisco),

I am a full fledged stay at home dad with twin girls instead of twin boys. In my new role as a "Father/Mommy" I plan to keep it very light, exciting, and opposite of the norm. So feel free to follow this journey because it will be hotter than Danny Tanner in his 1991 rendition of "So You Think You Can Dance". I am slowly working on my charm and leather wardrobe but now I just need to let it go and.... "Have Mercy!!"