Are They Twins? Nope, One Just Has Benjamin Button Disease!!

As the girls first birthday is fast approaching, I reflect upon all of the awkward and comical things that people have told us this past year. For those who do not know, when you have twins you become an instant celebrity in which you are constantly dodging the paparazzi consisting of anyone who has ever met a twin, slept on a twin bed, cheered for the Minnesota Twins, or has traveled through Twin Falls Idaho. When it is just me and the girls out in public the hysteria confirms just how peculiar we really are as a people. So in commemoration of the girls first birthday I would just like to share some of the fun encounters I have had with people.

• The first time we took the girls grocery shopping an older lady was eyeing us like Gollum in search of her "precious". As I was casually picking out our apples and bananas she approaches us and asks, "Are those twins"? My smart aleck tongue wanted to say, "No they are triples but we just left the other one in the car" but rather I complied and said, "Yes they are twin girls." She proceeded to tell us that she had twin girls and how wonderful twins are for the next 5 or so minutes. As we went on our way through the produce she continued to follow us like we were her adopted grand-kids. Just when I thought the awkwardness couldn't get any worse she looked at us and said, "Twins are so great... Mine both died!" and then walked away. For the first time in my life I was actually speechless. Like Lloyd Christmas talking about Big Gulps speechless! Note to self, that is probably not the best thing to say to brand new parents but set the bar really high for comments to come.

• One day I was walking the girls through the neighborhood where we live as Kylie slept after working an all night shift at the hospital. I was crossing one of the side streets when a women in her SUV approached a stop sign at the crosswalk. Not recognizing her at all, she flagged me down and had me approach the car. It wasn't a large van with no windows driven by the Wet Bandits Sticky Bandits so I approached the car. The woman inside rolled down her window and in almost tears said, "This shows there is hope for humanity, it brings me joy seeing a dad out walking twin babies. Thank you for making my day." I wondered how much my wife had paid her to say that but told her, "All in a days work, plus they were buy 1 get 1 free so I got a good deal." I found it kind of comical that she would stop me to say something like that but if there is a Hallmark/Lifetime/Disney channel in the future about a man saving humanity by walking his babies I want royalties!!

• This summer we thought we would take advantage of the "babies in laps fly free" deal that the airlines put on. So we took the girls to Hawaii to work on their tans and learn to surf. When we were getting off of the plane in Hawaii with our limousine stroller in tow we audibly overhead someone gasp and say, "The only thing worse would be 3!!" I took it as a compliment and assumed they were talking about the number of failed relationships they must have had. Regardless we had a great time with the little girls in Hawaii and with the new child deduction in the tax law I bet they wish they had 3! 

• During another adventure at the grocery store I was approached by an older man who was jollier than good old Saint Nick on Christmas morn. He gave me an eyebrow raise and said, "Those twins?" and I responded, "Sorta, they are sisters who share the same birthday... so I guess that makes them twins." He proceeded to tell me that he is a twin and that all of the twins he knows have names that are similar. He was Bob and his brother Rob. He went to school with a Larry and Barry, and a Sara and Tara. He then asked what our girls names were and I responded, "Hallee and Piper." He looked bewildered and said, "Well those don't rhyme!" Well the only name I could come up with to rhyme with Piper was Diaper and Kylie wasn't going to let me do that so once again I let down a member of the twin paparazzi.

• Another time I was in public with just me and the girls and Hallee was throwing a fit, which I think is a distress call to all grandmas to come to the rescue. I was approached by 2 older women at different times who tried to console Hallee. As I spoke to both of the women they told me that I was a brave daddy venturing out into the world without mommy. Then ironically both said, "I hope mommy is sleeping at home and getting a break because twins would be so tough." I told them that I was mommy for the day and would be happy to go home and take a nap if they would watch them.

Moral of the story is that if you want to feel like a celebrity in a low budget regional film just have twins and the fan base will follow. In general everyone has been wonderful but if you are a dad with 2 baby girls people see you as a unicorn when in reality I am just a horse wearing a party hat!! 

This past year has been amazing and nothing brings greater joy than being a parent and seeing your kids grow. Now go forth and approach every twin parent you see and tell them that you know someone who has twins, just know you may become a story for them to tell their friends!!😉

-Josh Soffe